Hi. Hey. Hello.
Peace!
There's a song "If you allow me get to the furnace Your promise is it won't burn" and I always liked this song because it give me faith. Faith enough to try one more time, to wake up every morning knowing that God is with me.
I think I never had afraid of the death before that day, "The 5th day" I mean, no young guy one probably do it. When we are younger we guess that nothing bad will happens, but that day I freaked out. Can you imagine yourself between the life and the death? Those is a thing I never could even imagine before that day. I remember my Doctor saying me: Ronaldo, the chance of losing you to the cancer is something very bad, but lose you to the chemotherapy is something I'll never let happens, it never happened with me and you won't be the first". That words are in my memories till today.
Just to you know, when you make a chemotherapy you can feel nausea and vomiting, headache, toothache and as you know your hair starts falling. I always felt these symptoms, but that time, it was very very very strong than the others days, because when I was making that chemotherapy I saw myself throwing up at the hospital, and that nausea does not stopped, no matter what me or the nurses tried and in that day I've just understood what my Doctor was talking about, because that day when the chemotherapy finished and I went my home the worst started.
I felt weak, powerless, with the biggest nausea I ever felt and I was no longer felling that faith I meant above, I felt scared, afraid of the death because when an oncology patient starts a vomiting crises and it cannot be control it means, the patient is dying.
Well I guess I'm stronger than I think, because it pass and I'm still alive, so Thank You Jesus.
We all have battles to fight for and I don't believe in little or big battles, what I believe is every single one has battles to fight for and you probably have your own one, so FIGHT! With all you have! But you should do it with love, faith, compassion and mercy.
On the 5th day a woman was making chemotherapy in my left side and when I started throwing up she asked the nurses to let her to leave my side because "She was living the worst time of her life and she didn't need to see a boy throwing up" YES! SHE SAID IT, and it broke me, to hear that words broke me because I wasn't doing that by my own, I was having a bad time and that woman couldn't understand it.
I started thinking "How can someone be here and doesn't fell mercy for the others? How can she say it? How could she be so hardhearted? How?"
But, it's okay! She will see for herself and probably regress about what she have done!
One more time, I forgive her!
And you, remember..... TRY ONE MORE TIME!
Try always one more time!
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